May the gods of rock-n-roll have mercy on my soul tonight. My flu hit full speed this morning and I'm dreading tonight. Not the gig, but just my fear of multiple bathroom runs. I'm taking lots of drugs, drinking Gatorade, and eating only soup broth. Damn, I'm hungry! After tonight is over I'm plan on eating like a Roman. I arrived on an empty stomach and I have to admit that I was pleasantly surprised with the size of the crowd here. This place is Cougar Central. If one more single soccer mom offers to buy me another drink or pinches me on the ass again I'm gonna lose my composure. We started off with a bang and the party was going great. So many women on the front row giving me those flirtatious looks. I don't care what anyone says in this business, it never gets old. I made it through the first two hours just fine but at midnight something hit me. I started sweating like I was Bobby Brown at a child support hearing and then the room began to spin. But I'm the show master I can't stop ...(right!). I kept going and going, with the show that is. No one in the band seemed to notice that I was on the verge of passing out. I always said I wanted to die on stage or on top of someone like you and I almost got my wish. I was refusing to give in because for some odd reason I did not want to "let anyone down". The show was beginning to suffer and the crowd was thinning out. I couldn't even remember what songs to pick because my brain felt like it was on fire. I just had to sing until 1:15AM (I kept telling myself) but at 1:10 my common sense told me to FTW and I said good night and walked off stage. This lady in the audience walked up to me and asked for a "shout out" for somebody (I still think that's corny) and I remember me telling her I can't because I need to throw up. The look on her face was priceless. I went to the back of the bar and collapsed. I was a bit disappointed that no one seemed to give a shift in the whole place. I have to give props to my light man Big K. for looking out for me afterwards and helping me get to my car. From that point I drove home in a total haze and crashed on my couch downstairs because I couldn't bear to walk upstairs. 2008 has started out as one F'd up year in so many ways but I'm not the least bit discouraged. If anything I'm more motivated than ever. I can't wait for next week and every week after that. I thank you for reading about "mi vida loca". I've got big plans baby...big plans.
Vladimir Dracula Von Stankfinger
Dyfunkshun Junkshun
www.funkparty.com
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